Shyness – How to Overcome Shyness and Gain Self-confidence

Description: In this video Dr. Stephanie Lang gives two powerful tips on how to overcome shyness and interact with other people with greater self-confidence

Transcript: Hi. The question today comes from David. And he asks, “How can I overcome my crippling shyness around people. Especially members of the appropriate sex?” I like that David – the appropriate sex –verses, meaning the sex that is right for me verses necessarily the opposite sex. So thank you for your question.

I have two points for you that I, I have a lot, a lot of tips that will help with shyness and confidence, but I am going to give you two primary ones to help you right now. Especially since your shyness is at a crippling level. The first is one word, “Toastmasters.” Now this is a club for people who, it is widely known as a club for people who want to improve their public speaking skills. But the truth is – what we call it on the inside – is, it’s AA for shy people. Toastmasters International is like, Alcoholics Anonymous is for Alcoholics, Toastmasters International are for people who are quite, or tend towards the introverted side. So when you go there, believe me, there’ll be lots of people at all different levels of “recovery”. At all different levels of – people who can barely speak, to expert speakers – you’re wondering, “Why in the world are they there?” But if you talk to them, you’ll find out that they started off, most of them would have started off crippling shy just like you. And you think, “How could that ever be?” Because they are so poised and so charismatic. And you’ll find over and over again – you ask, you ask around, it’s true – people start off very shy and they become very charismatic because of Toastmasters. So have the courage to go there, just show up. Try out a lot of different meetings because every meeting, just like AA, every meeting has its own personality and you want to find one that is the right one, the right fit for you. You may want to join more than one. So I highly recommend that. Do that and you’re going to see immediately as you join and get involved, your confidence is going to shoot through the roof. You are going to start seeing it right away.

My second point, it is mindset. What you want to do to increase your confidence is change the focus of your mindset from being self-focused, to being other focused. So what shyness is, I am sure you have heard, is “Iness”, it’s too much focus self. And so, when you start thinking about others and, “How can I make another people feel more comfortable and feel good?” and, “How can make this person’s day? How can I make them smile? Make them feel good about themselves?” Suddenly you’re, you’re reaching outward to help somebody, and the nerves don’t come nearly as easily. So, you know, in speaking of meeting a romantic dating partner, look for ways to complement the person. Look for ways to talk about what their interest are. Find out what her interests or his interests are.

So there you so, in two words: Toastmasters. Mindset. Being other focused.

Thanks for your question David.

Description: In this video Dr. Stephanie Lang gives a powerful tip on how to best choose a Life Coach for you.

Transcript: Hi there. I’m going to tell you, the #1 way, to be sure, that you choose the right life coach for you. And that is – that on first impression, you really, really, like this person.
Research shows, that your first impression of a person, and the first time that you meet – you know that initial consult, where you talk back and forth and get to know each other – that your instinct about that person, is very telling. It predicts, better than anything else, how your next sessions will go – your next few sessions. And then that predicts how your sessions will go, weeks down the road, and months, and months down the road. And so ultimately, the entire outcome of your coaching. The best predictor of it is, Do you really like the person? And you feel that right off the bat.

So if you feel that about me, that it’s a possibility, email, call me, tweet me on Twitter, whichever is your preferred method of contact. And we’ll get to know each other.

And listen. I’m going to tell you something. I only take on clients who I believe that I can really, really help. So when we talk, I’ll be evaluating for that. And so, then if we decide that we’re a good fit, we will be a great match. If we decide we’re not a match, hey, I think that our consult will have been a great learning experience for both of us, and will be fun and enjoyable. So contact me. I look forward to talking with you. Bye, bye.

What is Coaching? What Does Coaching Provide?

Life coaching is about having even more of what you want in your life. Take an athlete for example: coaching is not about fixing his game, it’s about him becoming even better.  What coaching provides specifically for each client is different. The bottom line is, we’ll be after specific results that will make a difference in your life, and have fun in the process! Here’s more:

From time to time, we get an impulse for change. It might be because we get inspired, or we see someone with something we want, or a new possibility occurs to us, a flash of insight. Or maybe a friend challenges us. Often it’s because we reach a point where we are no longer willing to tolerate something, and we say, “I’ve had enough!”

For whatever reason, these impulses for change come along, but they rarely last. For example, sometimes I get an impulse to exercise. It’s not consistent, and it doesn’t always come along when it’s convenient for me to exercise. Or the impulse may be, “You know, my relationship really could be better.” And the next day, the impulse is gone. Or, “I know what I can really do to make some great changes in my business, when I get less busy.” And then you focus in on something else. Or you take on a new project with gusto and in a few weeks you are bored with it, and switch to something else. So impulses for change don’t last, which is why we humans don’t make nearly as many changes as are possible in our lives.

Without coaching – without a structure – our natural tendency is to keep our patterns. Go to work. Make money. Keep the same relationships. Keep the same barriers. Want things to change, but they stay the same.

These impulses for change are your intuition telling you what is next in your life, if you act. They are messages about what you’d really like to do in your life, your business needs, the type of person who would be best for you to be with right now. If we ignore these impulses, we feel restless on a very deep level. And we may seek ways to quiet this, with addictions to things like TV, smoking, and/or over-eating.

A coaching structure is a way to harness these impulses – the energy for change. For example, if I feel an impulse to exercise, I’ll exercise, maybe once, until my next impulse. But if I hire a personal trainer for a year, I’ll get myself into my best physical shape ever. In fact, it would be very hard to avoid getting in my best shape ever, if I set up this accountability and structure with a wise coach.

Life coaching sets up a structure for any goal that is important to you in your life. You make a commitment to your goals and to working with a coach for a certain time-frame. This is usually a minimum of 3 to 6 months (so you can see some real results). Normally, we meet once a week and you commit to specific actions to move you forward. Within a coaching structure, your natural tendency is to pursue your goals and achieve them! In fact, it becomes hard to keep the old patterns in your life when you focus so much consistent attention on what you really want, and make promises to a third party.

With a coach, the man who feels an impulse to change careers isn’t still thinking about it in 3 months’ time. He’s hired a coach, he’s found a new career possibility that inspires him, he’s got a new resume, and ten interviews lined up.

With a coach, the woman who wants to organize her business so that she has time for herself isn’t still complaining about it in six months’ time. She’s hired a coach, created an empowering time allocation, set her boundaries, hired an assistant, looks obviously happier and is therefore attracting more clients.

With a coach, a man who wants to finally learn how to have a happy, lasting romance isn’t still longing for that in two year’s time. He’s hired a coach, learned how to have a healthy long-term trusting relationship with a woman, and he’s having that, perhaps for the first time in his life.

So, here’s the key: without a coach, the path of least resistance is to keep your life the same. Impulses for change often do not last long enough to act upon. With a coach, the path of least resistance is to achieve your goals! Impulses for change are converted into momentum. Getting a life coach – getting into a coaching structure – is a powerful way to harness your energy for change and help you move forward. Aren’t you curious what your life could be like in 5 years’ time, if you harnessed your impulses for change, carried them through, and had fun while doing it? Follow your impulse now to get your own life coach.

See also: Why is a coaching structure so valuable?