Shyness – How to Overcome Shyness and Gain Self-confidence

Description: In this video Dr. Stephanie Lang gives two powerful tips on how to overcome shyness and interact with other people with greater self-confidence

Transcript: Hi. The question today comes from David. And he asks, “How can I overcome my crippling shyness around people. Especially members of the appropriate sex?” I like that David – the appropriate sex –verses, meaning the sex that is right for me verses necessarily the opposite sex. So thank you for your question.

I have two points for you that I, I have a lot, a lot of tips that will help with shyness and confidence, but I am going to give you two primary ones to help you right now. Especially since your shyness is at a crippling level. The first is one word, “Toastmasters.” Now this is a club for people who, it is widely known as a club for people who want to improve their public speaking skills. But the truth is – what we call it on the inside – is, it’s AA for shy people. Toastmasters International is like, Alcoholics Anonymous is for Alcoholics, Toastmasters International are for people who are quite, or tend towards the introverted side. So when you go there, believe me, there’ll be lots of people at all different levels of “recovery”. At all different levels of – people who can barely speak, to expert speakers – you’re wondering, “Why in the world are they there?” But if you talk to them, you’ll find out that they started off, most of them would have started off crippling shy just like you. And you think, “How could that ever be?” Because they are so poised and so charismatic. And you’ll find over and over again – you ask, you ask around, it’s true – people start off very shy and they become very charismatic because of Toastmasters. So have the courage to go there, just show up. Try out a lot of different meetings because every meeting, just like AA, every meeting has its own personality and you want to find one that is the right one, the right fit for you. You may want to join more than one. So I highly recommend that. Do that and you’re going to see immediately as you join and get involved, your confidence is going to shoot through the roof. You are going to start seeing it right away.

My second point, it is mindset. What you want to do to increase your confidence is change the focus of your mindset from being self-focused, to being other focused. So what shyness is, I am sure you have heard, is “Iness”, it’s too much focus self. And so, when you start thinking about others and, “How can I make another people feel more comfortable and feel good?” and, “How can make this person’s day? How can I make them smile? Make them feel good about themselves?” Suddenly you’re, you’re reaching outward to help somebody, and the nerves don’t come nearly as easily. So, you know, in speaking of meeting a romantic dating partner, look for ways to complement the person. Look for ways to talk about what their interest are. Find out what her interests or his interests are.

So there you so, in two words: Toastmasters. Mindset. Being other focused.

Thanks for your question David.